Tag: motivation

What I’m feeling: Motivated and Inspired

I’ve written over the past year about leaving my job and exploring a new path working with Keener Jerseys, our family business. Over the past nine months, I’ve been awkwardly fumbling and feeling my way through this transition. Quite frankly, I’ve been experiencing some discomfort. Although I seemingly got exactly what I wanted, somehow I didn’t magically feel renewed and energized by the change. I actually felt a bit let down, if I’m being honest.

Why, when I finally gained the freedom to live the life I wanted to live, did I feel numb? Where was the growth and fulfillment I was seeking?

I tried opening myself up to the spirit of the universe and inviting opportunity in. I kept my eyes open all around me searching for a sign of how I would find my fulfillment. At the same time, I wondered why I was struggling to feel motivated and inspired to successfully do my job, both at Keener Jerseys and with this blog. I kep looking around me for something that would help me solve my problem of lackluster.

Then, and this is kind of embarrasing to admit, just a few days ago I realized that dreams and fulfillment aren’t just going to fall from the sky and into my lap. If I want fulfillment and success, I need to work for it.

Like, duh.

I’m the first to admit that I’m a slow learner. I seem to have to learn the same lessons over and over again before I finally internalize what I need to move past my own self inflicted barriers. In this case the lesson is work hard and you’ll achieve results.

In some areas of my life, like running, I’ve been living that truth every day and putting in the work. In other areas, not so much.

My fear of “did I do the right thing?” stunted me from really throwing myself into anything with passion. The lack of structure that a regular 9 to 5 job typially provides paralyzed me with a feeling of not knowing where to start. I felt a bit lost on the inside and didn’t know how to get aligned.

I truly believe that these are all feelings I had to work through in order to arrive to the a-ha moment that FINALLY came to me recently. Some readers out there may be thinking, ‘sheesh honey, get a grip.’ But my whole life I have been a strong starter and a slow finisher and this experience is no different. I got gutsy and quit the job… and then I stopped. I didn’t forge ahead into my new adventure with purpose and drive. Instead I danced around the edges hoping something or someone would come along and show me what to do next.

Feeling a bit lost at sea for so many months became increasingly more difficult to manage emotionally. Luckily, I also have a very low pain tolerance. Whether the pain be physical, emotional or spiritual, I don’t like living in discomfort. So this extended period of discomfort was quite unpleasant at times. Especially since I was afraid to talk about how I was feeling because I didn’t want to appear as though I’d made the wrong choice. I knew I did the right thing, but I didn’t know how I was going to make it work.

Turns out, I was looking all around me for an answer that was within me all along. I just need to get up every day and show up. Show up for Keener Jerseys. Show up for my kids. Show up for this blog. For running. For spirituality. For all of it. I just need to put the work in.

If I start living my vision of how I want my life to look and feel then that’s how it will start looking and feeling. The people out there that I admire who are living their best lives didn’t get there accidentally. They hustled and did the work and they KEEP doing the work. It’s actually so frigging simple, I’m not sure how I missed it.

It’s one thing to have a vision of what you want your life to be. It’s another to show up and do the work to get it there. At the age 41, perhaps I should know this already, and in so many ways I do, but I also have a long way to go.

One day at a time, I’ll get there.

(Wearing J.Crew sweater, Madewell bag and MPG Sport vest.)

In between

I have found myself in a bit of a funny place lately. I feel confident in my core I am on the path I’m meant to take but the future feels a bit unclear. It’s as if I’m in between where I was and where I’m going.

Being in between can feel exciting because the possibilities are seemingly endless. It can also feel hopeless for those exact same reasons. Even though I have clear deliverables on my plate right now which are to help out at Keener Jerseys (the family biz) and have more time with the kids at home (something I’ve been longing to have for years), I also know that there is more out there for me. My motivation for shifting out of a regular 9 to 5 office gig and into working flexible hours for the company was a desire to explore what a non-traditional work life could mean for me. Can I carve out a path that is my own?

Last week, I heard someone speak on making career choices (and life choices) motivated by what their greatest contribution could be to the cause at hand. Not by what they could gain or achieve, whether in monetary or status terms, but what they could meaningfully contribute. It seems so simple and yet so rare that this is a person’s greatest motivation when decision-making.

Here’s something I haven’t mentioned on the blog yet, I am a member of a 12-step group and have close to 13 years of sobriety. I am grateful everyday for all of it. I bring it up only because it’s relevant to this topic. SO MUCH of what I have learned over these last 12+ years pertains to this exact topic: what can I contribute rather than what can I gain. How can I be of service?

You see, this thought process is not second nature to me. I have to work at it. My nature is to jump to the “what’s in it for me?” Instead of “how can I help?” Embarassing but true.

Reflecting on this over these last few days has reframed my thoughts and feelings on carving out my path. I have been focusing so much on what I can GET that will bring me happiness and fulfillment rather than what can I GIVE. Not intentionally, this is just the way my brain was unpacking potential opportunities.

When I focus on what my contribution can be rather than what I will receive because of it, it almost feels like a release from pressure. Like today, right now, my greatest contributions are helping the business in whatever capacity I can, whether that be writing, editing, social media or administration duties. When I make a contribution that has a positive impact at Keener Jerseys, I feel good. Really good, actually. And truth be told, there are ‘other duties as assigned’ that have popped up over the last few months that I’m not crazy about doing. Someone has to do them though, so why not me? I’m filling a void and making a meaningful contribution that’s resulting in getting shit done. That right there is a reason to be grateful.

Aside from Keener Jerseys, my MOST important contribution is holding down the fort at home and being present for our kids. Let’s be real, Jason works long, hard hours and is often up and out the door before anyone is awake and there are many late nights, too. It’s tough and frustrating sometimes but it’s the season of life we’re in. My newfound flexibility allows me to drop the kids at school and pick them up at 3:30. It allows me to volunteer on field trips and be home for sick days. It’s kind of invisible work that has no monetary gains and just goes as unnoticed for most of the world but it has significant value for our family.

Both of those ‘jobs’ are important, however I also know that this is not where it ends for me. I trust that more will be revealed and that I am on a path of discovery. It’s kind of like, I know there’s something coming up around the bend, I just don’t quite know WHAT yet. (Either that, or I’m just having a midlife crisis. As I said, more will be revealed.. ;)

I spent the better part of my 20s partying and having fun (until it stopped being fun) and then quit that lifestyle at age 27. I spent the next few years focusing on recovery and getting healthy. At age 30, I went back to school and spent the rest of the decade checking all the boxes I wanted to check. Education, husband, kids, career. And I managed to get all the boxes checked – which is awesome, and I’m so grateful for all my blessings… (do you feel a ‘but’ coming?)

Here’s the thing, because I wasted so much time in my 20s, then felt the urgency to get shit done in my 30s, I never really paused to consider what my passion might be. I felt the need to catch up to my peers and become a ‘grown-up,’ so I didn’t really ever stop to consider where my heart would lead me if I let it. I just had to hurry up and getter done. Once all boxes were checked, I was left with a feeling of ‘what now?‘

That brings us to today…

As I continue to navigate my path and uncover opportunities, I will keep my focus on what I can CONTRIBUTE rather than what I will receive. Being involved in something that fires me up is still of utmost importance but my motivation is just as (if not more) important.

How did you discover your life’s passion and work? Did you know from a young age where you wanted to land or are you a late bloomer, like me? I’d love to hear.