Tag: entrepreneurism

What I’m feeling: Motivated and Inspired

I’ve written over the past year about leaving my job and exploring a new path working with Keener Jerseys, our family business. Over the past nine months, I’ve been awkwardly fumbling and feeling my way through this transition. Quite frankly, I’ve been experiencing some discomfort. Although I seemingly got exactly what I wanted, somehow I didn’t magically feel renewed and energized by the change. I actually felt a bit let down, if I’m being honest.

Why, when I finally gained the freedom to live the life I wanted to live, did I feel numb? Where was the growth and fulfillment I was seeking?

I tried opening myself up to the spirit of the universe and inviting opportunity in. I kept my eyes open all around me searching for a sign of how I would find my fulfillment. At the same time, I wondered why I was struggling to feel motivated and inspired to successfully do my job, both at Keener Jerseys and with this blog. I kep looking around me for something that would help me solve my problem of lackluster.

Then, and this is kind of embarrasing to admit, just a few days ago I realized that dreams and fulfillment aren’t just going to fall from the sky and into my lap. If I want fulfillment and success, I need to work for it.

Like, duh.

I’m the first to admit that I’m a slow learner. I seem to have to learn the same lessons over and over again before I finally internalize what I need to move past my own self inflicted barriers. In this case the lesson is work hard and you’ll achieve results.

In some areas of my life, like running, I’ve been living that truth every day and putting in the work. In other areas, not so much.

My fear of “did I do the right thing?” stunted me from really throwing myself into anything with passion. The lack of structure that a regular 9 to 5 job typially provides paralyzed me with a feeling of not knowing where to start. I felt a bit lost on the inside and didn’t know how to get aligned.

I truly believe that these are all feelings I had to work through in order to arrive to the a-ha moment that FINALLY came to me recently. Some readers out there may be thinking, ‘sheesh honey, get a grip.’ But my whole life I have been a strong starter and a slow finisher and this experience is no different. I got gutsy and quit the job… and then I stopped. I didn’t forge ahead into my new adventure with purpose and drive. Instead I danced around the edges hoping something or someone would come along and show me what to do next.

Feeling a bit lost at sea for so many months became increasingly more difficult to manage emotionally. Luckily, I also have a very low pain tolerance. Whether the pain be physical, emotional or spiritual, I don’t like living in discomfort. So this extended period of discomfort was quite unpleasant at times. Especially since I was afraid to talk about how I was feeling because I didn’t want to appear as though I’d made the wrong choice. I knew I did the right thing, but I didn’t know how I was going to make it work.

Turns out, I was looking all around me for an answer that was within me all along. I just need to get up every day and show up. Show up for Keener Jerseys. Show up for my kids. Show up for this blog. For running. For spirituality. For all of it. I just need to put the work in.

If I start living my vision of how I want my life to look and feel then that’s how it will start looking and feeling. The people out there that I admire who are living their best lives didn’t get there accidentally. They hustled and did the work and they KEEP doing the work. It’s actually so frigging simple, I’m not sure how I missed it.

It’s one thing to have a vision of what you want your life to be. It’s another to show up and do the work to get it there. At the age 41, perhaps I should know this already, and in so many ways I do, but I also have a long way to go.

One day at a time, I’ll get there.

(Wearing J.Crew sweater, Madewell bag and MPG Sport vest.)

On Fear

Photo taken on a flight from YWG to YVR last September when I was on my way to run the lululemon Seawheeze half marathon. Scary and exciting – my favourite combo!

In my first post, I touched briefly on leaving my 9 to 5 job to help out at my husband’s company and explore what a life with more flexibility might look like. What I didn’t mention is how absolutely terrifying going through with that was. Terrifying and exhilerating all at once.

The day that I gave my notice at work was legitimately one of scariest days of my life. And for about a solid week afterward I felt like I was soaring, or maybe freefalling, through the sky without a net. There was a lot of “ohmygodwhathaveidone?” going through my mind and on more than one occasion I asked Jason “is this okay? will we be okay?”

A lot of friends and family applauded the courageous move (although there’s a good chance a lot of them also wondered what the hell I was doing!). It’s been an uphill battle for the last four years growing the business (startups are no joke), so leaving my secure paycheck and going all-in with him was pretty bold.

The thing about doing something courageous is that it’s actually very, very scary. Here’s what Queen B (no, not Beyoncé) has to say about it:

“Daring greatly is being brave and afraid every minute of the day at the exact same time.” ~ Brené Brown

Preach, Brené, preach! This quote has come to my mind almost daily since shifting careers. I find it so reassuring to know that the feelings of fear and excitement that are happening simultaneously within me are normal and expected.

Here’s what I knew when I decided to do the scary thing and leave my job: I knew that I had to. Okay, maybe I didn’t HAVE to, but I had been thinking about it for a long time. The thing was, even though I actually had a pretty good job and worked with great people, I felt unfulfilled. I felt uninspired. Now, I know that not everyone who feels unfulfilled and uninspired can just jump up and quit. I also know that I am sitting in a priveleged position to not only entertain that idea but also follow through with it. And let’s be clear, it is certainly not without risk. However, a series of events unfolded before me in such a way that felt like the universe saying, “it’s okay to take that leap now, Ali.” So, I did.

It was a leap of faith I took in hopes of not just contributing to our family business but also carving out my own path. I think I kind of love uncertainty, if I’m being honest. A few years ago when I went back to work after my maternity leave with Miles, my now almost-four year old son, I felt completely deflated. Not just because my year of mat-leave was done (and I had to send my baby to daycare everyday) but also because I had nothing new or different on the horizon. In the five or so years leading up to then, I had finished school, gotten a job, had a baby, gotten another job, had another baby, and now here I was, back at the job with nothing exciting – or even scary – to look forward to. I know we can’t live our lives jumping from one whirlwind experience to another. That’s just not feasible. I also truly value stability and routine, but I think for me stability/routine also needs a bit of variety to keep it interesting. Does that make ANY sense??

I believe that no matter of how many times someone needs to drum up some courage to do the thing they want to do but are scared to do, it gets never gets un-scary. That butterfly in the tummy, leap through the air without a net feeling still pops up. What also starts happening is trusting the process. That gut instinct that you’ll figure things out and tackle obstacles that arise continues to get stronger with practice.

I spent so many years of my life scared to change or make changes and it wasn’t a very fun or fulfilling way to live. I can’t predict the future or outcomes, but I can trust in my abilities to take a calculated risk and put myself in new situations. Today, I have the opportunity to walk through my fear and find faith on the other side.

What a gift.